The prophets turn against each other as kings date, plans backfire, Costcos are built, and Final Fantasy is played. An abundance of riches and dead bodies are looted, and we're taught about the correlation between cattle and crops.
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The ark begins a new chapter in its existence whilst Yahweh gives impassioned speeches and King Solomon dabbles with fridge magnet poetry. ChatGPT writes a proverb about podcasting, and two new patrons are welcomed to the congregation!
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Before we can start dreaming about our upcoming Hot Christ Summer, we need to wrap up 1st Chronicles. King David gives his farewell address and hands over the oh-so important plans for the temple porch to Solomon.
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Be prepared to drink for repetition, for the penultimate chapter of 1st Chronicles contains a painful number of names. Out of suffering, great ideas are born, like DBS genealogy chart with stickers.
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When faced with a choice of punishment for conducting a census, David picks 3 days of pestilence. Meanwhile, he's raising the tender nugget, Solomon, who will build Yahweh's house.
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A puppet-government is formed and the fans are catered to too, with more details in the Kings reboot. David and Yahweh bicker. Perhaps Yahweh is feeling insecure about his deity-hood?
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Amidst the genealogy Yahweh makes things go boom, wives get made, and an epic party is thrown. While David is sleeping it off, we transition to a lascivious bit of Proverbs about sin and bones.
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We're diving right in to the action this episode with bloody fights and Saul falling on his sword. David decides to pour one out for Yahweh and appoint band captains, and someone is counting a lot of people.
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